In life, not all paths are meant to intersect, converge, or follow the same direction forever. A very dear old friend of mine in the Native community explained to me more than once about us all being on our own wheel (path), and sometimes they meet up and we are walking in the same direction for a while, and other times we are in a different place. Sometimes we meet up again, sometimes we do not. It is not an emotional thing, other than missing people that we wish we had more time with.. but rather just a fact of the patterns we live. Moving to another place for a while to handle life events does not change friendships or respect for one another when you are at peace with that fact. True friends are able to remain open to one another through all of these changes and movement.
I just had an interesting experience that I want to share. It is proof that it is possible to do everything right, be as kind and diplomatic as possible, and still have someone create their own reason to rage. There is nothing that we can do to make another person understand something, if they have not yet grown to the maturity for understanding it. Their path to that place is different from anyone else on the planet, and it cannot be rushed or manipulated by force. We can offer encouragement, motivation, inspiration, and even a listening ear if it’s possible to communicate with them, but for some people the old adage comes to mind that you can lead a horse to water, but you cannot make them drink. If they are genuinely on the path to becoming a real Human person, then they will eventually get there on their own. (That statement will make the most sense to other First Nations people.)
In some cases, some people have so buried themselves in the negatives of their experience that they allow it to color every interaction and can never see the help that is being offered. They cannot see the truth in front of their very eyes – what is that path to actual healing. Our physical health often bears a reflection of the turmoil or the calm that is inside. A storm can rage, on the outside or the inside, and we can still choose to have a sense of peace and control in the midst of it – like a well-trained military specialist that understands panic is a natural response, and CHOOSES to operate in spite of it for the sake of their life and their mission.
Christians call it “the peace of God, which passes all understanding” (Phil 4:7).
Buddha had this to say: “To enjoy good health, to bring true happiness to one’s family, to bring peace to all, one must first discipline and control one’s own mind. If a man can control his mind he can find the way to Enlightenment, and all wisdom and virtue will naturally come to him.”
and… “Peace comes from within. Do not seek it without.”
George Bernard Shaw wrote: “Those who cannot change their minds cannot change anything.”
- Lao Tzu said: “When I let go of who I am, I become what I might be.”
So there was this person. I saw their posts and felt compelled, as I do sometimes, to message them and mention my Facebook Pages for reading because of a common health issue. They decided to send me a Friend request, and although I usually take some time to observe first, I decided to give them a chance off the top. That might not happen again for a while, if ever, because of the end result. What I immediately observed were very angry posts, and on a very regular basis. It was stunning, and I tried to allow for it, thinking they needed to vent and that’s fine. It continued. The sad part was that the rage was misdirected. Let me say this… if you ever see me post a link to a donation page for Lupus awareness or similar, consider it nothing more than “If you are able and so motivated….” NOT a demand. There is no sense behind it that I expect you or anyone else to do something, nor will I criticize those unable to. Some can, and some cannot. It’s out there for those that can. From what I have gathered in the last several days, this individual is angry at anyone that posts anything on the topic. They blocked a very good friend of mine, whom I know for a fact never solicits individuals with a hard-sell – she only posts as I do, for those that wish to contribute. It’s there if you want it. Nothing more. To be angry at that is beyond unreasonable. We’re not knocking on your door at home. This is the internet – international traffic zone. If you come here, expect to read whatever passes by. Ignore what you don’t want to read. Simple.
In the end, this individual in question got onto a thread on my personal Timeline, on a topic they knew nothing about – totally unrelated. The comments that ensued were not only pushy and intrusive, presumptuous to say the least, but they used it as an opportunity to once again open their OWN gripe about that subject mentioned above. On my Timeline. Not theirs. Why? Because they are so immersed in their own anger that they can’t even see the effect of their own actions anymore. I think to myself, this is not someone with whom I would wish to spend time in the woods! I have grown up with survival skills, camping, hiking, nature & wildlife education, and understanding that emotion will cloud safety every time. This applies not only to my time outdoors, but in every action in life. That negative static… that rage at everything in your path… that inability to process and accept the differences of others, let me tell you something clearly – it KILLS. It will eat you up from the inside at whatever given rate. It doesn’t matter if it ends up cancer, heart disease, or a syndrome of debilitating symptoms. If you do not control your intentions and process your emotions in a healthy manner, it will kill you. Not within a normal lifespan either. I tell everyone this out of complete LOVE, and a desire to offer some insight. I have been that sick in the past. Your choices on how to process life events will direct your path. Illness comes and goes. Some of it stays. How you live with it, and whether you thrive, is in part a personal choice.
Here were my words to this individual to whom I wished no harm: “Hey.. I wanted to let you know I’m dropping you from my friend list. It’s not an emotional reaction, and I’m *not* blocking you, because I don’t feel there is a reason to. I don’t use the feature unless someone is intentionally coming to my posts and harassing me uncontrollably (which has only happened once – a friend’s son). I’m not going to over-analyze anything, because we all have our own ways to manage pain and emotions, and we all have our own path to walk, but you & I are in very different places on it. There is a lot of anger, & while I know you have valid reasons for having the emotion and totally respect that you’re going thru a lot, it spills over so much and so vividly in your posts that for me it’s really uncomfortable in an unhealthy way. I’ve worked very hard for the balance I have and need to protect it. If I don’t, then I am of no beneficial use to myself, or to my friends and readers either. I hope that my FB Pages are still of interest and encouragement to you, and you will continue to read. I put them out there for everyone and try to keep them current and active. I just think that parting company now as far as the Friend list goes is better than waiting until there is a serious clash later, and creating unnecessary stress. I wish you well, a speedy recovery from your injuries, and an abiding strength and peace to thrive through the all of the adversities life brings.”
The response I got? This: “I expected this. No biggie. Adios I.knew your intentions were not legit.”
Then I was blocked. Okay. There was nothing I could have said that would have been right in their eyes, that is clear. I am not out to alter world views with anything that I do, and everyone is free to choose to read what I write – agree, disagree, that’s fine. I do however expect to be respected in my own arenas and not abused. I define those boundaries for myself – for my well-being (and you should too). If it’s something you find disagreeable, then you are free to pass on by. It’s not always necessary to fight with people when there is a difference of viewpoints. That said, it’s also beneficial sometimes to at least hear the words of others. Views change throughout life sometimes. We learn from one another. Lashing out with disparaging remarks about the legitimacy of one’s intentions is not a path to enlightenment. I’ll leave it at that.
In nature we should always be able to find solace. I have known people in the past that were not able to find it, even there. That to me has always been a little sad to see. Even if it’s just stepping outside and putting your feet on Mother Earth for a few minutes and breathing deeply, there is a place to which we may always return for that grounding and center. To live unable to let go of every annoyance and grief is to be the emotional walking dead. The dead do not grow and mature, and they do not heal. Consider the environment you would like to have along your path, and what you wish to leave for others to see both while you are here, and when you are gone. Not everyone has to plant flowers and feed bunnies. At least try not to drop your trash for others to encounter.